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Dinner passed in relative silence, Relena and Quatre doing most of the talking. They often did, especially when Duo was out on one of his dates; Heero, Trowa, and WuFei were not known for their conversational skills. As usual when Relena was present, WuFei ate quickly and excused himself to meditate; the girl seemed to make him vaguely uneasy. Although Quatre was the one with the uchuu no kokoru, Trowa was the one who sensed the tension between Heero and Relena, and soon suggested that he and Quatre leave to practice a duet. Heero and Relena found themselves alone for the first time since she'd left.
Relena was suddenly uneasy; Heero's loving greeting had caught her off guard. She'd expected him to lash out at her, or at the very least freeze her out. Not that I'd complain about that greeting I got; she thought. Anything's better than that...coldness. She pushed the remainder of her dinner around on her plate. She wasn't very hungry. I must really have eaten a lot...I didn't even notice, with Duo there.
Heero's soft, husky voice startled her. "So...what did you guys do today for all that time?"
~this is how
it begins~
She stared at her mashed potatoes. "Well, we went to that Japanese restaurant, and it was as excellent as I'd heard...then we just walked around and told jokes."
Heero was staring at her. "Have fun?"
She glanced up at him; she didn't like the expression in his eyes. Or rather, the lack of any expression. "It was okay." She mustered her courage and turned to look at him full-on. "It would have been much more fun if you had come instead."
~push it away but it all comes back again~
Heero snorted. "Really."
"Yes. Really."
They locked stares then, gazing at each other for a long while. Relena was the first to drop her eyes. "Go on, eat. It's getting cold."
She picked up her fork and was about to put a bite of chicken in her mouth when she realized he was still staring at her. She paused, fork in mid-air, and turned to face him again.
Heero put his hand over the hand holding the fork, lowered it to the plate, moved his hand to her face, and pulled her close for a deep kiss, the likes of which he had not given her since before the nightmares started.
~all the flesh
all the sin~
Warning bells went off in Relena's mind. She absently waved them away and let her own hands drift to the nape of Heero's neck, where her fingers played in already tousled brown hair. He moaned softly into her mouth and arched his neck slightly. The hand on her face trailed slowly to her right breast, while the other hand encircled her waist. The warning bells were now full-fledged fire alarms.
Quiet. He's not going to do anything. Everything's FINE so just leave me ALONE!
They kissed for a moment; finally Heero pulled back and rested his forehead on hers, looking into her royal-blue eyes again. "Koishii...I'm sorry for the way I've been treating you lately. You don't deserve such abuse." He lowered his eyes. "If you want to leave me for that braided baka...I will understand."
~there was a time when it used to mean just about everything~
Relena's eyes opened wide in shock, and she gently pulled his head up. "No, Heero darling, how could I ever leave you? I know that this is just a terrible phase, and that if you'll just talk to me about what's bothering you, we can put all this behind up and be happy again--"
"I can never tell you," Heero hissed. His eyes were showing emotion now; they looked like the eyes of a feral cat defending its territory. "Never, do you hear me?"
"That's okay," Relena soothed hastily, laying his head on her shoulder. "You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. I won't push you, I promise. I just want to help you. That's all I've ever wanted to do." She kissed his head gently and rocked him, like a child. "I just want you to be happy. Anything you want, I'll be it, I'll do it. Just for you. Because I love you...so much, Heero. I love you."
He lifted his head and kissed her fiercely, his tongue taking possession of her mouth, exploring it roughly.
~just like now
just like now~
Heero took Relena by the hand and pulled her to her feet, eliciting a surprised gasp from the frightened girl. He looked into her eyes yet again, still ringed by healing bruises, and saw that she was afraid of him. The realization hurt more than he could have imagined.
He very gently picked her up in his strong arms, bringing a quite different sort of gasp from Relena. He kissed the tip of her nose again. "I promise--I won't hurt you again."
She smiled at him and rested her head on his shoulder.
He turned and made for the rooms he and Relena shared on the second floor, still holding her in his arms.
~breathe, echoing the sound
time starts slowing down~
For Relena, it seemed to take Heero an eternity to walk up the stairs. She didn't mind; if things went well, she'd be spending the entire night in his arms. A nice change from being at arm's-length, she thought to herself.
Finally they reached Heero's apartments. The bedroom was furnished in a manner very typical of the Perfect Soldier: one bed, one desk, one chair, one small table supporting three bonsai trees which had been placed there at Relena's insistence. Heero didn't really talk much about his Japanese heritage, and seemed to pay it no mind; however, Relena had wanted to learn as much about it as possible in the interest of establishing some sort of common ground. Neither of them were paying much attention to the table at the moment, however; their attentions were focused on the bed, equipped only with a black comforter, which Heero unceremoniously stripped off, and a set of white sheets, on which he gently laid Relena. He climbed atop her, straddling her, and proceeded to unbutton her simple, demure dress. Relena could only smile up at him. She was bursting with happiness; he hadn't seemed this interested in her in a long time. After having unbuttoned the dress and pushed it off her, he flung off his customary green tank top and lowered his head toward her, trailing a line of kisses from her chin to her chest, where he paused to suckle at a nipple, teasing it roughly but tenderly with his teeth, licking it, tracing the circumference of her small breast with his tongue.
~sink until I drown~
Heero's mouth continued its journey south, pausing at her bellybutton, dipping his tongue into it and kissing it gently, and then resuming his trek down to where her smooth thighs came together, burying his mouth in the reddish-blonde mat of curls there.
~(please) I don't ever want to make it stop~
Heero's mouth and tongue explored Relena's velvet folds, as they had done often enough; but to Relena this time felt different, it felt almost like the first time. It felt...magical. She arched her back and issued a breathy moan of pleasure. Heero answered with one of his own. Unable to stand the pressure any longer, he rid himself of his spandex shorts and moved higher above Relena's body, covering her face and throat in kisses. As he guided his member with his left hand, Relena took the index finger of his right hand into her mouth, sucking, licking, and gently biting. Heero growled, deep in his throat, and stopped where he was, holding his rigid cock, head thrown back in ecstasy.
~and it keeps repeating
will you please complete me?~
Relena released his finger and whispered, "Heero...say you love me..."
"I love you," he murmured and lowered himself onto her.
"Say you'll always need me..."
"I'll--I'll always--"
"Say it, Heero..."
"I'll always love you Relena I swear," he growled as his member found its way into her at last.
~never be enough
to fill me up~
Relena gave another moan, louder this time. It felt as if she was going to explode with this intense pleasure, and the best thing about it was that it was Heero giving this pleasure to her, Heero who she'd fought for so long and wished so bitterly for, Heero who was moving inside her and doing the most delicious things to her.
Heero was enjoying himself as well. He had never thought that he would love this act so much, especially with Relena. Her young, taut body, as new as he to the joys it could bring her, tightened and released beneath his touch as if urging him onward; it especially tightened in one very special place, causing him to groan and buck with utter abandon. He shuddered and grasped her shoulders, thrusting into her wildly. Now this is how I always imagined it should be...with--
NO! NOT TONIGHT!
::too late...::
Thoughts of Mieko, unbidden, began to fill his head again. He began to move even faster in an attempt to shake them off. Relena, beneath him, was caught up in a new level of ecstasy by his seeming enthusiasm; in an unexpected display of sexual strength, she pushed upward, forcing Heero onto his back, so that Relena was now riding him. She did so recklessly, fiercely, tossing her head back so that the ends of her long hair tickled the tops of Heero's thighs. Heero's eyes rolled into the back of his head of their own volition.
Re--Relena--
"Oh Relena yes don't stop--"
"No, Heero, never--I love you so much--"
Relena...Re--lena...Re--
::Mi--::
"Mieko!"
Relena came to an abrupt halt. Heero, as yet unaware of his slip, gave a disappointed groan and reached up to caress her breast. She grabbed his wrist roughly.
"Who's Mieko, Heero?"
Oh...shit.
"Ummm...Mieko?"
Relena climbed off of him and sat on the bed beside him. "You said 'Mieko'. Is that a girl you've been seeing? Is that why you never want to be around me?"
"No, koi, that's no one, just a slip of the tongue, I didn't mean it--"
"Is that the whore who's taking you away fro--"
~watch the white
turn to red~
What felt like one of Wu Fei's backpack bombs went off behind Relena's eyes as Heero swung a roundhouse which landed squarely on her nose, breaking it. Dazed, she fell forward onto the pillow, covered with simple white cotton. A scarlet snake began to slither its way from beneath the shelter of her hair, down the pillowsham, growing in width as it went.
Heero could only stare at his work, uncomprehending, only knowing that the blow had satisfied some sick urge inside him.
But not permanently.
~it fills up the hole but it grows somewhere else instead~
Relena came to, shaking her head, wincing when the pain came in waves with every movement. The tears came, the old familiar tears, the ones that silently whispered I love you, I trust you, why do you hurt me this way? But tonight the tears had a new message: What are you hiding? Don't you know I only want to help you? Relena herself could not speak; the pain was too great. She could only sit on the edge of the bed, holding her face and rocking.
~all my life
yeah yeah yeah yeah, but it just left me dead~
Heero, inexplicably, found that his erection had not lessened a whit; in fact, it seemed to be fueled by this display of his dominance. He rushed to her, seriously meaning to make sure she was okay and make her lie down until he could help her. But when he finally got her to relax enough to take her hands away from her face, what he saw there drove him over the edge.
Blood.
He'd never spilled her blood, not in almost three months of beating; until tonight, she had only borne his bruises.
And he had not seen this much blood on a woman since...since...
oh god
MIEKO
Something came over him then, obscuring his vision and clouding his consciousness; the last thing he remembered before entering the void was Relena's terrified face and his hand on her mouth to stifle her screams, his other hand holding both wrists above her head, and his own raging need.
~(well guess what)
the world is over and i realize it was all in my head~
When he regained consciousness, he was lying on his stomach on the left side of the small bed, staring at the bedside lamp on Relena's side.
Relena?!
He flopped over and out of bed, scanning the small bedroom. Through the crack left by the partly open bathroom door, Heero could see that the light was on, and he could hear water running. He rushed over to the door and pushed his way through it. What he saw made him want to go back to bed.
Relena was there, staring into the mirror with a cold, dead expression he had seen all too often in that same mirror. Her entire face was a sickening shade of purple, deepening to almost black around her smashed nose. She had washed the blood off; he could see remnants of it on the porcelain. When she registered his presence, she slowly turned to face him and stared at him as dully as she had stared at her own reflection.
~now everything is clear
i erase the fear
i can disappear~
"Wha--what happened to your face--"
In a voice so slurred an eavesdropper might have thought her drunk, she muttered, "You never did love me, did you, Heero?"
His mouth dropped open. In his mind, he told her that yes, he had loved her, he did love her. But he could only gape at her, incredulous.
"You never loved me. I keep trying to think of some reason that you would keep me hangin' on the way you have, and I keep drawin' a blank." Her voice was thick with the blood and phlegm still caught in her throat. "An' I was scared to leave, because I thought you would kill me if I did. But now I see you'll kill me regardless."
Her accusing eyes seemed to burn into his own unbelieving orbs.
"All because I'm not this..."Mieko" person."
~(please) i don't ever want to make it stop~
He began babbling. "Please, Relena, give me another chance. I'll show you, I'll be so good to you, it'll be like this never happened, I swear I don't remember having done anything but I'll make it up to you, please, I love you--"
She put a finger over his mouth, silencing him. The tears were back in full force; their only message this time was regret and loss for what could have been. "Don't, Heero. Don't force yourself to break another promise."
With visible hesitation, she staggered past him into the bedroom. Heero, still shocked, could only stand in the doorway as her clogged, tired voice came back to him, "I'm leaving you, Heero."
~you can never leave me
will you please complete me~
His paralysis broke, and he dashed into the bedroom, falling to his knees before her. "Oh please Relena I love you, please don't leave me alone, I can't be alone, I'll fucking kill myself, I don't have anything to live for without you, please--" He collapsed into tears at her feet, his face in his hands.
Through the tears he could feel a small, familiar hand ruffle his messy hair, and heard her voice for what he feared would be the last time:
"If I stay here now, you'll be alone soon anyway. Because you'll kill me. You won't let me help you, and you won't get help yourself. I gave up everything for you, and what do you do? You hurt me. I'm just so tired of being hurt."
She knelt to face him. "I know that somewhere in there, you have feelings for me. But they're being eclipsed by these other feelings you're having." She got up, nearly falling down again in the process, and started toward the door. It seemed miles away.
"Call me when you're feeling better and maybe we can work something out. But I doubt it."
Heero reached out for her one more time--and was greeted with the slamming of the bedroom door behind Relena. He collapsed face-first on the floor, too tired and sad even to hold himself upright, unable to do anything but moan a name, and he could not tell whether it was Relena's or Mieko's.
Come back...come back to me...
~never be enough
to fill me up~